To whom I have already made hurt
I'm very sorry if you feel like that. Yes, I admit that I'm a person with over expression if there is something unpleasant for me. I'm a "hard" person (I dunno the correct term to be used and to describe). I'm stubborn, headstrong etc, like you always say. Everything is hard in my life, supporting me become those kind of people. That's not the only reason, maybe you have already known that, me, basically, have those character since I was born. It couldn't be changed how hard I try. And you will not know how hard we deal with it.
But, you know what? I'll feel more hurt if I know there is someone getting hurt because of me, indeed, it's you. And that's true, unfortunately. I think you have already known me so well (it's not song of Sm*sh anymore), what I like and don't like, what make me feel bad mood or angry, what the best time to talk to me and what the time to be avoided to talk to me, so on, something like that.
I think you have already known that if I get my period, it will make me 10 times more sensitive than normal. That's true. And unfortunately, now is my time getting period. I prefer not to talk to anyone if I think I'm not in good mood for talking. Because I'm afraid if something not good happened during conversation. Actually, I don't really like to make conversation via Internet chatting because sometimes, it can make such of misunderstanding between two peoples. We don't know their face and gesture, we might be wrong in though.
But, I realize that we couldn't expect other people understand us overall. We are just still learning to understand each other, right?
Yes, I know that you always have good intention, especially to me. Moreover, I can say that you're my best friend here. As you said, you always maintain not to hurting me, you always care about me, you even sacrifice yourself for me, and many things you have done that I could not mention.
It's not really my mean to hurt you, blame you or in opposite with you... Not really...
But, pardon me for saying this, you and your good intention, sometime, unfortunately, it is not in right time (from my side, not yours).
Nobody is perfect, especially me. Sometimes we do mistakes to the other and in reverse.
Maybe, I'm just kind of person who can't easy to say "yes, i accept it instantly". I'm such of contender. So that if you feel and think that our conversation will be very bad and hurting you in the end, please initiate to stop it.
I just came back from hospital by the time you started talking to me. I hope you would ask about my disease, and I wanted to shared with you. But, another things happened...
I know both of us is very busy now. And it's not good to add burdens in our mind with the things like this.
Sometimes, we quarrel each other, but we are still best friend, right? Sometimes, we fight, but we could back supporting and strengthening each other, right? Sometimes, we dispute each other, but after that, we don't forget to share our laugh, happiness and sadness each other, right? Anyway, after everything went not so good, we could still laugh together, laughing for the stupid thing we do or laughing for stupid thing around us or so on.
I love you in my way. Maybe I'm kind of person who could not express my feel appropriately, including this feel. Sorry for not always hug you and so on. Sorry for not always listening you when you need someone to listen. Sorry for not making a talk with you at the morning. Hope it will be better at the next.
Once again, sorry for always making you hurt... :(
And hope you forgive me.
Good luck for your presentation! And see you at our lovely home...
With deeply apologize,
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Posted by Idham at Tuesday, April 19, 2011